I'm beginning to write this on December 26, 2008. Nine Twenty Three in the morning to be exact. I rarely sleep in late, usually 8:30 at the latest. I don't like wasting my day away. Except that I usually end up on the computer for a good hour that I would usually spending sleeping, ah well.
I'm wearing two slips. A cardigan. A pair of ridiculously cute knee high socks over fishnetty tights. A cup full of heavily diluted Coffee Mate caramel creamer coffee. Usually only have a half a mug, it's all I can drink.
My hair is dyed "medium red brown". I should probably dye it again in the next few weeks. I can see roots already. The hair is twisted up on the sides into in a bun, one of my favorite do's for 2008(who am I kidding? It's easy and quick).
My black fingernail polish is chipped. I repainted it only two days ago.
My arms are still hairy. Except for this one tiny spot where I shaved yesterday, because a darker hair was growing out of a freckle. I hate dark hairs growing out of freckles. They creep me out. Now I stare affectionately at least this little spot of... no hairness. It's cute. Endearing, maybe. :D
I'm listening to Priscilla Ahn. "I Don't Think So" is the current song.
Hmmm.... Right now in this moment, I want to have a long conversation with someone, a picnic inside with only stuffed animals as my guests, I want my math grade to magically change a letter grade(actually. quite a few letter grades), I want to take pictures with a Holga camera, I want some of those heart shaped paper doiles, and I want to laugh at absolutely nothing for a few minutes.
No point to any of that.
Just kind of like a "I just thought you should know".
I'm not quite sure what to make of this year coming to an end. I don't want it to, in all honesty. People are growing up, leaving, changing, following things that I sometimes don't "get", yet still sorta understand, watching themselves be controlled, but... most of all, they are leaving. Leaving me. I'm leaving. Even myself. I sorta want to stay in my too white bedroom and listen to silly, emo music and pretend that nothing else is happening or changing.
I'll take a few weeks in Never Never Land with the Lost Boys in a very cute pair of flannel pajamas, okay? Thank you.
Anyways. I'm here to cherish these last things. To "seize the day" as I told my mama this morning when she asked why I was dressed and up so early.
Good thing God can't leave me. Good thing He intends for people to sometimes hurt me and change me and love me all at the same time. No sunshine if there is no rain.
But. Then again, I do devote playlists to my love of rain, so I'm not quite sure what I'm saying. :D
Anways. Now that I've drowned on about nothing, I shall get to what I intended for this to be. Haha.
Here is smallish, weirdish, randomish recap of 2008. Now, mind you.... I still have 6 days of 2008 left to do something insane. So. There could be an update.
With pictures, music, random stories, inspiring quotes. There will be lots of things forgotten, things very, very imporant that I am too silly to remember.
Profound thoughts. Unprofound thoughts. It was a good year. A very hard and broken year at times. There was more magic in this year that I've ever experienced. More hum, drum and boring that I wanted.
I felt life this year. Imperfect life. The life that's healthy and right and shattering and quiet and loud and beautiful.
I'm wearing two slips. A cardigan. A pair of ridiculously cute knee high socks over fishnetty tights. A cup full of heavily diluted Coffee Mate caramel creamer coffee. Usually only have a half a mug, it's all I can drink.
My hair is dyed "medium red brown". I should probably dye it again in the next few weeks. I can see roots already. The hair is twisted up on the sides into in a bun, one of my favorite do's for 2008(who am I kidding? It's easy and quick).
My black fingernail polish is chipped. I repainted it only two days ago.
My arms are still hairy. Except for this one tiny spot where I shaved yesterday, because a darker hair was growing out of a freckle. I hate dark hairs growing out of freckles. They creep me out. Now I stare affectionately at least this little spot of... no hairness. It's cute. Endearing, maybe. :D
I'm listening to Priscilla Ahn. "I Don't Think So" is the current song.
Hmmm.... Right now in this moment, I want to have a long conversation with someone, a picnic inside with only stuffed animals as my guests, I want my math grade to magically change a letter grade(actually. quite a few letter grades), I want to take pictures with a Holga camera, I want some of those heart shaped paper doiles, and I want to laugh at absolutely nothing for a few minutes.
No point to any of that.
Just kind of like a "I just thought you should know".
I'm not quite sure what to make of this year coming to an end. I don't want it to, in all honesty. People are growing up, leaving, changing, following things that I sometimes don't "get", yet still sorta understand, watching themselves be controlled, but... most of all, they are leaving. Leaving me. I'm leaving. Even myself. I sorta want to stay in my too white bedroom and listen to silly, emo music and pretend that nothing else is happening or changing.
I'll take a few weeks in Never Never Land with the Lost Boys in a very cute pair of flannel pajamas, okay? Thank you.
Anyways. I'm here to cherish these last things. To "seize the day" as I told my mama this morning when she asked why I was dressed and up so early.
Good thing God can't leave me. Good thing He intends for people to sometimes hurt me and change me and love me all at the same time. No sunshine if there is no rain.
But. Then again, I do devote playlists to my love of rain, so I'm not quite sure what I'm saying. :D
Anways. Now that I've drowned on about nothing, I shall get to what I intended for this to be. Haha.
Here is smallish, weirdish, randomish recap of 2008. Now, mind you.... I still have 6 days of 2008 left to do something insane. So. There could be an update.
With pictures, music, random stories, inspiring quotes. There will be lots of things forgotten, things very, very imporant that I am too silly to remember.
Profound thoughts. Unprofound thoughts. It was a good year. A very hard and broken year at times. There was more magic in this year that I've ever experienced. More hum, drum and boring that I wanted.
I felt life this year. Imperfect life. The life that's healthy and right and shattering and quiet and loud and beautiful.
Lotion. A watch. Two kinda silly reminders of two kinda silly boys. Sometimes I like to forget about them. They taught me a whole lot. That freaking out about nothing is ridiculous. That hugs are sometimes the best and worst remedy for a silly girl. That I really don't handle things the right way. And I hurt people. That laughing things off sorta works. Sometimes. Haha.
My Opa died weeks after I uploaded these photos. He was a gracious, hardworking, quiet, man. Christmas was so strange this year without him. Miss him.
Way too many goofy pictures.
This makes me laugh way more than it should.
I drank wayyyyyy too many of these.
I learned and am still learning about the God who created this sky. I learned the hard way.
I'm just glad I learned. Thank you, God, for that. :)
I love my mama more than I tell her.
I'm just glad I learned. Thank you, God, for that. :)
Amen.
Happy dancing is really good for your soul. Really, really good.
Adventures with this girl were too few this summer. I did more silly things with her in the span of one small summer that I neglected to do in past years.
I ran through sprinklers at night, climbed on roofs , had lots of deep conversations in Mormon church parking lots, had many silly conversations about stupid things and the best snowcone flavors, wore cowboy boots and unmatching clothes into gas stations and took pictures with bags of Cheetos.
I called her and let her stroke my hair as I balled my eyes out on my bed.
She watched Grey Gardens with me and agreed that it was hilarious.
"Kara, these things will all work out and you'll look back and smile and laugh at them someday."
She bought me peanut m'n'ms. She came to every single one of my play performances and hugged and whispered silly things in my ear right afterwards. She teased me about boys and the weird clothes I wear and my freak out sessions about nothing.
Thank you for teasing me, Say-Say. :D
Thank you for this year.
I ran through sprinklers at night, climbed on roofs , had lots of deep conversations in Mormon church parking lots, had many silly conversations about stupid things and the best snowcone flavors, wore cowboy boots and unmatching clothes into gas stations and took pictures with bags of Cheetos.
I called her and let her stroke my hair as I balled my eyes out on my bed.
She watched Grey Gardens with me and agreed that it was hilarious.
"Kara, these things will all work out and you'll look back and smile and laugh at them someday."
She bought me peanut m'n'ms. She came to every single one of my play performances and hugged and whispered silly things in my ear right afterwards. She teased me about boys and the weird clothes I wear and my freak out sessions about nothing.
Thank you for teasing me, Say-Say. :D
Thank you for this year.
I fell in love with dandelions. I fell in love with ugly things that happen to be beautiful.
I went on adventures in the middle of nowhere with my favorite girl. We spent 63 hours together. I missed her when I got home. Lucky for me, I can walk to her house in 8 minutes.
We took several walks a day because there was nothing else to do. We stayed up late one night talking about the men we wanted to marry. We ate ice cream for breakfast and had a tea party with Fresca in the backyard.
We ate lots of dark chocolate with caramel in it.
We took several walks a day because there was nothing else to do. We stayed up late one night talking about the men we wanted to marry. We ate ice cream for breakfast and had a tea party with Fresca in the backyard.
We ate lots of dark chocolate with caramel in it.
I fell in love with God in this moment. One of the best and most magical nights of my life.
Film. Is better than digital. I don't care what you say. It just is.
This day, I did.
I love them.
I confessed things.
She slapped me with paint.
I take pictures. I laugh. It's what I do.
Started watercoloring with my grandma. Sara comes along and we listen to Grandma talk about how much better watercolors really are. She tells us stories and comments on our clothes. It's usually an hour too long. Man, I love that woman.
I didn't do this often enough.
I take pictures. I laugh. It's what I do.
I finally got my own bedroom and fixed it to just the way I like it. Cheap desks from Goodwill. Lots of messy random piles. White walls and bed. Inspiration wires galore. Yellow and black and more mismatched colors. Lists. Lots and lots of lists.
That is random.
Good memory though. :D
This is just funny.
I went to really good concerts. Jon McLaughlin, Tristan Prettyman, and Ingrid Michaelson. Yay for live music!
I went on too few walks. I wore different kinds of plaids and insisted they matched. I went out of my way to step in crunchy leaves. I was vulnerable and took chances.
I took pictures of myself with apples on my head. I took way too many pictures of myself.
I went on more adventures.
I became quite certain that I couldn't live without her.
She sent me an email in October that made me bawl my eyes out. She ate spaghetti out of wineglasses with me earlier this week. We went on a walk in the dark, it was snowing. We held hands and laughed and made snow angels.
She laughed at me and cried with me and used my own lines against me. :P
She told me how it is. She told me to stop being so introspective. She gave me hugs when I didn't need them and, luckily, when I really did need them. She gets excited as I do about good music and went to concerts with me. She laughed until we cried on her kitchen floor. She said lots of innapropriate and magically profound things.
We're gonna be Seniors next year, baby. I'm not sure the world is ready for us. :D
She sent me an email in October that made me bawl my eyes out. She ate spaghetti out of wineglasses with me earlier this week. We went on a walk in the dark, it was snowing. We held hands and laughed and made snow angels.
She laughed at me and cried with me and used my own lines against me. :P
She told me how it is. She told me to stop being so introspective. She gave me hugs when I didn't need them and, luckily, when I really did need them. She gets excited as I do about good music and went to concerts with me. She laughed until we cried on her kitchen floor. She said lots of innapropriate and magically profound things.
We're gonna be Seniors next year, baby. I'm not sure the world is ready for us. :D
I kept on Happy Dancing.
I took emo pictures and started journalling about 4 times a week. Still going strong baby.
I wore dirty socks.
This is just a photo that desperately needed to be included.
Had lots of these days.
It really was a blessed year. Blessed people, beautiful people. Lots of surprising opportunities. Surprising people. A plethora of pictures, memories, laughing, sometimes hurting, good music, learning, mango smoothies, dreaming, doing, making, crying, wishing, and more learning.
I keep thinking back to the girl that I was this year last time. I barely recognize her. I've become more confident, I'm okay with dressing strangely and laughing really loudly and telling people how I feel.
It makes me hopeful though. Looking on what I've learned and how I've changed in just one year, gives me hope for next year and the next and next.
Yes. I'll me making lists. Hopeful lists. The good kind of hope, the hope that won't screw me over. I'll make many wrong decisions and hopefully more mistakes.
"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." -Kahlil Gibran
Happy New Year. Hope your Christmas was filled with presence.
I keep thinking back to the girl that I was this year last time. I barely recognize her. I've become more confident, I'm okay with dressing strangely and laughing really loudly and telling people how I feel.
It makes me hopeful though. Looking on what I've learned and how I've changed in just one year, gives me hope for next year and the next and next.
Yes. I'll me making lists. Hopeful lists. The good kind of hope, the hope that won't screw me over. I'll make many wrong decisions and hopefully more mistakes.
"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." -Kahlil Gibran
Happy New Year. Hope your Christmas was filled with presence.
maybe he's looking for you
and he's taken a wrong turn
but he'll find the road again
and just when you
least expect it....